He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forget how to act sober
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