non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
