Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
