i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
