Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
