I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
