Porn is love you can see.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
