i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
