They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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