Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
