And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
