They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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