Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
