Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
