accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
