i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
