FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
