It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
