You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im holly from the hills drunk
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
