You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
