PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
