It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i love accidental penises.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
