i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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