Im at strip club and am horny
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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