so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
