That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
