Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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