I accidentally had phone sex last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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