benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize