all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
