You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
