i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
