I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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