so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
