So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
