Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
