6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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