I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
