once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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