Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
