Im at strip club and am horny
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
