im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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