Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
