her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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