She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
