Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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