Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
