I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
