Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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