I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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