Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
