I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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