In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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