dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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