dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
