this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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