I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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