Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
