Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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