(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
