New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
