Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
