im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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