god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
