If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
